


In My Head

by NotAGreatWriter



Series: Bothersome [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Bulimia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Logan Needs A Hug, Projection, Psychosis, and probably a therapist, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22433899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAGreatWriter/pseuds/NotAGreatWriter
Summary: “What’s new?”The question is posed when Virgil and Logan are on an outing together- it’s not a date no matter how many times Patton and Roman call it thatThe diner they’re at is the same,all cream walls and mocha desk. The snobby women are as judge mental as ever. So everything is the same, friends, school, home, and his current setting.Oh and Logan might have Psychosis.That’s kinda new.(Or:Logan might have Psychosis, and it doesn’t know how to deal with it.)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Might be Virgil/Deceit/Logan in the future of the series but idk, Pre-Relationships - Relationship
Series: Bothersome [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614367
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> TW for mental illness, eating disorders, vomit, self harm,Slight neglect, and bad ideas that have been learned from family.
> 
> Wrote this because apparently 2am is a good time to figure shit out
> 
> I don’t mean to offend anyone, I probably don’t have my information right, so Logan doesn’t either. This is first and foremost a vent fic with no ill intent to anyone

“What’s new?”

The question is posed when Virgil and Logan are on an outing together- it’s not a date no matter how many times Patton and Roman call it that

Logan considers the question,not much has been new. Patton has developed feelings for Roman, he could tell Virgil that, but he can’t betray trust like that. Especially just for small talk.Remus is still doing what Ethan calls “being oh his bullshit”. Roman is still dramatic, Remy edging him on. Emilie is still putting too much pressure on himself to be the group therapist . 

Logan himself still has immaculate grades despite the pressure being put on him (he’s well aware he’s gonna break soon, he decides to omit this fact). 

The diner they’re at is the same,all cream walls and mocha desk. The snobby women are as judge mental as ever. So everything is the same, friends, school, home, and his current setting. 

Oh, and Logan might have Psychosis.

That’s kinda new.

“Nothing of interest, how about you?” He says instead.

-

He hallucinates sometimes, but sometimes he isn’t sure they’re hallucinations. They could be dreams, but the ones in the day are unlikely to be. He could be over exaggerating because maybe everyone sees bugs in the corners of their house. Maybe they’re just tricks of the light and he’s one of _those_ kids. And he _hates_ those kids.

He considers telling someone after his door henge magically turns into a moth.

And he throws a shoe at it. 

_Yikes_.

-

He thinks he’s disassociating.

Thinks being the key word.

He doesn’t understand any of it, research is the best for him at the moment. On a completely unrelated note, School is a bitch. His home life is no better but that’s a problem for another day. 

Whenever he looks at himself,it’s off. The reflection looks like him but it’s...moving?. No,moving isn’t the right word.It’s like himself but everything is both bigger and smaller at the same times. It makes him feel different. 

He treats it like he does with all feelings, _he ignores it._

-

He’s been called morally gray before, but this time it’s different. He doesn’t know if it’s a psychosis thing or if it’s a depression sort of apathy. He’s scared. Of course, it’s not Remus’ fault, He didn’t know. But now they’re here. 

Logan can’t think and his ears ring. He doesn’t like not thinking but he can’t. The only thingsthat fill his mind are screams and shouts, people criticizing him. He doesn’t know if this is a New Anxiety Attack Thing because he’s slowly breaking from school pressure, home life, the fact that he just threw his lunch up into the school bathroom, the psychosis thing, or all of the above. 

Roman is called and he calms down.

And then immediately runs from Remus.

_Great_.

-

Remus is going to die

Logan decides this after getting a text from Ethan. 

_** The fuck happened lo???? ** _

If there’s a god out there, he must have it out for Logan. 

Ethan gets left on read and none of the group see Logan for the rest of the day.

-

Logan isn’t one to miss school, and Ethan  knows  this. But he isn’t sure Logan is ready to talk. 

He decides to leave it alone until he gets a phone call. At four twenty in the _fucking_ am. And of course it’s Logan.

“Hello?” Of course he answers, it’s not like he was sleeping. And he’d be the last to admit it, due to what Remus calls his “Tsundere instinct” but he’s worried about Logan.

“Please, please, I’m begging you make it go away, please I want it to, ki-kill me if you have to, but I can’t it’s so bad an-and fuck- dude just  please ” Logan’s breath sound like it’s as heavy as a house, and he didn’t bother with formalities.

Ethan’s blood ran cold (yes- he blood was warm in the first place despite what Virgil says).

“Logan what do you want me to do?”

“There’s ringing and, and,someone’s singing but Mom’s out again and- Someone is there and it’s not stopping.”

Oh  _shit_.

“Logan none of its real, it’s just a hallucination, you’re okay. Nobody’s gonna hurt you”

“I’m not afraid of that, I don’t care about hurting, but it’s just so  loud . 

“I’m coming over, do you want me to stay on the line?”

-

Logan hangs up instead of replying, and Ethan is nervous.

He speeds to Logan’s as soon as possible.

**_The door is unlocked._ **

The text is from Logan, perfect grammar and casual like it’s not five in the morning on a Wednesday.

Ethan walks in and sees Logan in a T-shirt and shorts. (His thighs are scarred and his arms are stick thin but that’s a revelation for another time).

“Logan what happened?” Ethan questions

“It was just a bad dream I’m fine now,” Logan’s voice is too calm.

Liar

“Logan I know something is up with you,”

“Suck a dick,” Logan says, and now Ethan knows something is wrong because Logan is only sassy when upset.

“Well I’m flattered, an certainly wouldn’t mind if you were offering, but this is hardly the time,” Ethan snaps back.

A moment passes.

“I think I’m Psychotic” 

The words come out as a blur and suddenly Logan is crying and squeezes Ethan in his arms. It doesn’t hurt, Logan is surprisingly weak for someone who works out  that much.

Ethan adds that to the memory folder for signs of Logan’s decreasing mental health status.

Logan rambles about how he doesn’t know much because of pressure, and how he’s afraid. People will say the dumbest shit about Psychosis and Logan hates that. He has some things he needs to unlearn from his parents and cousins, saying that he’s glad he’s moved so he can learn stuff. He talks about almost everything. 

Logan has a lot of issues, okay, psychosis is just the one that’s on his mind the most. He talks about it. Ethan doesn’t interrupt. But he _listens_ , and maybe, just maybe, that’s just what Logan needs.

-


End file.
